(3) Why should you give an F about the 5 Fs of trauma?
Trauma Responses 101? Are they so bad? What is the opposite of the fight-or-flight?
You have likely heard the phrase “fight-or-flight” used in discussions on trauma.
This is, however, incomplete.
For one, let me ask you - how do you define leaving a situation? The glamorous slam-the-door-in-the-other’s-face exit?
Spoiler alert: You may leave a situation without leaving the room.
This is why we need to give an F about the way we survive stress.
There is an evolutionary reason for choosing to label it as ‘fight-or-flight’.
Our human ancestors faced significant troubles, safe to say.
I have seen Ice Age a few too many times so the first thing that came to mind was Diego - a sabre-toothed tiger (!).
For the sake of clarity, let’s summarize the big trio of ancestor troubles to Predators, Diseases and Darkness.
From an evolutionary perspective (ancient ancestors), the brain needed mechanisms to cope with fear, respond to danger and well, survive.
When facing a Diego, our ancestors had to: Fight. Or flee. Confront or leave. Take their spears, bows and arrows out or run for dear life.
Now, a sabre-toothed tiger exists no more but a 9-to-5 and “I would appreciate if you really ‘put the work in’” does. Diego is extinct but our stressors have evolved.
From an evolutionary perspective (you + I), we have added a little bit more to the bunch, and today, the fight-or-flight response is merely the first stage of Hans Selye’s general adaptation syndrome (a.k.a. the how we handle stress manual).
Survival in the modern world: The F bunch!
In a nutshell, the 5 Fs present simplified labels on the not-too-simple ways of reacting. They (one or more of them) feel like your best friends when a situation of stress occurs.
They are responses that your brain, body, and hormones have carefully orchestrated to help you return to safety (as per your definition).
It can between 15 and 60 minutes after the moment has ended for you to actually be ‘out’ of the situation.
I kept the best for last - there is so much, sometimes too much, to learn from these situations:
A situation that makes you react is a sign.
A reaction that occurs can lead to an effective coping mechanism.
An effective coping mechanism can be key to returning back to safety.
Defining safety (and lack thereof) means we, you and I, navigate stress as a productive force towards something better for us, and can differentiate between emotional discomfort that helps us grow and one that slows our growth.
Let’s acknowledge that the fight-or-flight has ensured the survival of our special over millennia. We just want to go beyond survival here.
You may have to pick more than one F to give so let me tell you all about them.
Fight - the BRING IT THE F ON! one.
As an ancient response of our ancestors to defend themselves against predators, the Fight response is a primal instinct that activates the body to confront and combat the ‘danger’.
Heart rate goes up, hormones are on board, the focus is sharpened, the fists-tightened and the fighter is in a heightened state of awareness.
This state makes the fighter feel empowered and in control - the anger, rage and defiance that is projected makes the fighter feel assertive.
This is what I feel, and I will make sure you see it!
Flight - the I NEED TO LEAVE THIS PLACE! one.
For the ancestors, the Flight response was a strategic retreat and escape from a perceived threat - I can’t fight this but I still have to survive.
This time, the fists tighten not as a gear for confrontation, but in order to facilitate a swift, agile movement conducive to escape.
The heightened awareness is for navigating the space around us to avoid obstacles in front of the door-that-ensures-leaving, while our senses establish the escape path.
The fighter’s anger, rage and defiance are the flighter’s fear, anxiety and panic.
When the fighter rolls its sleeves, the flighter utterly detests conflict.
Flee. Back. To. Safety. Now.
Freeze - the I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO! so I just won’t ‘do’ one.
The flighter leaves, the freezer is paralysed.
While the flighter’s body needs to leave and its brain, hormones and senses work their butts off to find the way, a Freeze response does not allow for that.
The body feels unable to move or act,
which makes the brain hit snooze on emotions and perceived ‘danger’ (namely, emotional numbness and dissociation),
which makes the hormones and senses shut down,
which makes the body follow and shut down.
In such a response, we are there, we are physically present, but we are not there, not mentally present.
Fawn - the YES, WHATEVER YOU SAY! one.
A way less recognized response is the Fawn - I want to appease others. I want to please others. Even if I feel mistreated. Especially if I feel in danger.
Most probably, early in life, we were neglected or witnessed this response - survival depended on maintaining connections with caregivers (or a person with any form of ‘authority’ over us’) by being compliant or submissive.
Now, we have learnt that:
Our needs are not too important.
Others’ needs are fundamental.
Our desires should make everyone happy.
Others’ desires have to work with ours. In this order.
Our well-being is not too high on the list.
Others’ well-being is important because it gives us acceptance.
We don’t like conflict anyway.
Flop - the I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE! one.
The distant and less-known cousin of Freeze, the Flop response is a survival instinct that takes the whole ‘we are physically present, but we are not there, not mentally present’ a step further.
When I say ‘a distant cousin’, I mean really distant.
In freeze (or fight for that matter), the muscle tension heightens. In flop, it decreases to muscular immobility and rigidity, even our heart rate and breathing rate decrease.
Basically, we physically embody paralysis because the emotions of helplessness, powerlessness and resignation overpower us, and overwhelm us.
In Flight, we try to leave. In Flop, we perceive ourselves as unable to escape (or influence) the situation - we passively accept the situation until it ends.
I think of the Flop response as ‘cheating stressful situations’, voluntarily or not.
A stressful situation starts. We feel helpless. Abort mission. Abort mission. The body can’t move but it can start shutting off internally. Mind joins. We do not react. We do not respond. A state of physiological calm has been reached - the safety within.
Emotional distress mitigated.
Sometimes, however, it is not a wound we need to heal, a trigger we need to be with, a feeling that we need to regulate.
Sometimes, your response is right.
Sometimes, the environment is wrong.
“Sometimes our environment needs changing, sometimes our relationships aren’t serving us, sometimes the dynamic we are in plays a bigger role”.
Lexy Florentina
I always aim to end on a positive note, and I will give you a little spoiler of a topic that I will soon discuss, but let me tell you this:
Your nervous system (by the way, the only fully-formed system you are born with!) branches in two systems.
The sympathetic one is responsible for these 5 Fs - do you see the irony that this is not actually super sympathetic?
The parasympathetic branch, and my positive note, is the one that supports your growth and restoration. It is the opposite of the fight-or-flight.
It is the rest-and-digest.
So, leaving you to rest and digest,
Katrin