THE 5 WHYs: Know Your Triggers. Find Your Glimmers.
The least self-torturing, most self-compassionate way to answer the question: How to be less triggered?
In my previous unfiltered piece - pivotal for wrapping your head around triggers and glimmers - The Battle Within, The Power Within: Triggers + Glimmers 101, I emphasized that:
Ignoring the triggers does not make them disappear: instead, they multiply like mushrooms.
Focusing solely on the triggers does not mean that you are healing, it means that you *choose* to hurt yourself even more.
It is neither here, nor there:
you need your triggers, you need your glimmers.
and I wholeheartedly stand by that because it is a delicate balance.
In The Battle Within, The Power Within, I shared two practical ways to start doing the work today
BUT…
today, I am here to delve a little deeper - to present to you one of the simplest approaches to getting to know both your triggers and glimmers as they show up:
The 5 WHYs?
Why? Because navigating emotions can be an overwhelming and occasionally discouraging task that we spiral back into our familiar yet unfulfilling old ways.
Why? Because our ‘old ways’, though comfortable in their familiarity, are equally uncomfortable to be in - they no longer serve us.
Note: By ‘serving’, I mean that they did serve us when we were young, for instance, and in extreme turmoil. Dissociating, to name one, is a temporary relief when you don’t know better. If you don’t teach yourself better, however, you will constantly remain dissociated from both triggers and glimmers. Dissociation is your life-saver until you find the root of distress, pull it out once and for all, and make space to truly *progress* in your life altogether.
Why? Because by being here, you are telling me that you want something more.
Why? Because you know you are worthy of something more.
Why? Because you are. Because the negative past experience, your unrealistic standards, your perfectionism or your need for validation got nothing on you!
You are here to do the work.
The 5 WHYs is a concept pioneered by the Japanese inventor Sakichi Toyoda - the founder of Toyota Industries Corporation. His original idea was to use the question ‘why?’ in order to get to the root of a complex problem.
What is more complex than navigating our mental health?
I am here to show you two of the biggest findings that the 5 WHYs can guide you to so let’s practice together.
“I feel anxious about going to work today.” Why?
“Because once I sit in front of the laptop, I don’t have time for anything else. I am overwhelmed with tasks.” Why?
“Because I feel like my time has been mapped out for me - 8 AM to 9 AM for a meeting, 9 AM to 10.30 AM - another, until I close the laptop at 5 PM.” Why?
“Because my current schedule is packed from morning to evening and I feel like I can’t do anything about it” Why?
“Because it is set by someone else and I need to follow this in order to get the financial stability I crave.” Why?
“Because I need financial stability to feel safe, I don’t want to rely on others”.
You can continue further but this little experiment brought you to A CORE VALUE.
A core value, or a personal value, is a belief regarding what holds significance in life. While goals are destinations we aim at, values are a compass of how or why we want to get there.
If you find a core value (through the 5 WHYs, you can do so easily), even your course may slightly shift, or shift altogether.
Your objective then becomes advancing towards your value - taking decisive action while also *aligning* with what holds paramount importance to you.
In the earlier example, we found that financial security has deep importance to us, yet the way we get to it makes us unsettled and disconnected, as proven by the original feeling of anxiety.
So, what next? How can you align your core value (financial security) with comfort?
Now, let’s try again.
“I struggle to rest”. Why?
“Because if I don’t see tangible results, I feel like I am not productive.” Why?
“Because I have always had to show results of my actions - studying brought me great grades, better results at work brought me a higher salary.” Why?
“Because I was taught to always do, do, do in order to get, get, get.” Why?
“Because I had to. I had to do, do, do. I had to prove myself.” Why?
“Because it was ingrained in me by my mom - I always had to strive for more".
While your answers may vary, or you may not resonate with my statement, the point of the example is to bring us to the second destination the 5 WHYs can guide us to - A CORE WOUND.
A core wound is a deep-rooted core belief or emotional trauma that is brought within us from past experiences that tend to resurface. Repeatedly.
Core wounds - sounding like “I don’t deserve to rest”, “I don’t belong here”, “I should have done more” - are associated with specific memories that we interconnected over time.
We interconnected them so much so that we consider them true.
And it is this “truth” that overpowers us to do what *we* want to, to be autonomous in our decision-making for our sake, to heal.
Acknowledging them is the first step towards freeing ourselves from their grip and allowing ourselves to heal gradually.
The person who related to the previous example may become truly incapable of resting because of this deep-seated belief that if they don’t produce results, they are not productive, and if they are not productive, they are not worthy of receiving anything.
Although addressing a core wound is an ongoing process that will not be resolved in a single session, knowing that it is there and approaching it with nurture and self-compassion breaks us free from the “this is true about me!” stigma.
We chip away at the emotion hurt one question at a time.
Now, do one by yourself. If you want, you can always share it with me.
What is a sentence that you really associate with You?
I want to give you a piece of me and hopefully, you will adopt it for yourself:
My favourite sentence EVER contains two words.
TIME PASSES.
Time passes when the times are hard - hang in there, this moment will be over. Approach it with the kindness it needs, learn from it and move on to the next emotional quest.
Time passes when the times are good - appreciate the beauty, and be grateful for what you are experiencing in the now.
You won’t get the same moment twice.
And, as we are glimmer hunters, why not have the same conversation with our glimmers?
“Hey sunset, why do you fullfill me so much?”
Your steadfast supporter
Katrin