The 7 self-compassionate recipes your inner teen needs today
The point of a healing journey like this publication is to start the process of learning and then carry it with you back home. Sometimes, "back home" is to your Inner Child, or Inner Adolescent.
Do you want to see the world?
Don’t hide from the world seeing you, too.
I couldn’t have been older than 11.
I sit on the old leather couch outside the principal’s office for the first time in my life.
My mother, a powerhouse of support, is fervently arguining my case with the principal.
I feel sorry for my mother who has a household of problems and a job of demands, and now her usually composed kid has caused a stir.
At that point, I am described as “too timid” despite my endless energy supply.
I mean, can you blame me? I have not even confided in my parents, let alone an adult, about the bullying I endured for the “oh, you look so cute in your new glasses!” and the “braces will make your smile Hollywood-worthy!”.
The dude I jump on today is bullying the new girl about her glasses. Although my glasses are a bit more rounded than hers, and we don’t really look alike, I see a resemblance.
I will spare you the enjoyable evening that follows, but, the next day, one of my teachers mockingly refers to me as ‘Catharsis’ and teaches the whole class the word.
Yesterday’s moment apparently is a caricature for her, I say to myself, and a catharsis to me.
She proceeds on referring to me as ‘Catharsis’ until grade 7.
Although untamed anger becomes about 80% of my personality for the next 3-4 years, I would like to believe that if Catharsis could have read With The Fire On High, she would have found a companion in it.
No time like the present for Katrin to give you: the 7 self-compassionate reminders our teen selves desperately need and our current selves will appreciate.
I do not reduce. The whole of me is whole.
Foundational for your inner work is the multifaceted nature of the self - the visible, the hidden, the unexplored, every aspect, every experience that contributes to the tapestry of You.
Move beyond reductionism, beyond symplifying who you are, and foster a profound connection with your complete and intricate selves - the child, the adolescent, the present self; the hurt, the unheard, the tamed.
And as you do so, remember:
You cannot control how people look at you, but you can control how far back you pull your shoulders and how high you lift your chin.
This is self-empowerment, or more precisely, this is the distinction between external perceptions and internal control.
Irrespective of external judgement, empower your presence and cultivate self-confidence and resilience.
For the sake of us today.
For the sake of the bullied teen.
For the sake of all these adjectives that should not have stuck and never described us anyway.
For the sake of self-efficacy, for the sake of the fact that our personal beliefs and actions shape our experience and influence how others perceive us.
Chin up.
I wish I could strip myself from the past and enjoy who I am right now.
Emotional liberation from past burdens, mindfulness for the present moment:
Talk to yourself today the way you wish you had been spoken to all those years ago.
We cannot change the past, but we can choose a healthier relationship with the ‘now’.
“Sometimes focusing on what you can control is the only way to lessen the pang in your chest when you think about the things you can’t.”
Have you heard of the locus of control?
You can shift your focus to elements within your control to empower yourself and reduce the feeling of helplessness.
You can choose to acknowledge the emotional impact of uncontrollable circumstances while promoting a proactive mindset.
“And maybe because I struggle to learn certain lessons, this one has taken me years and years to learn: You can’t make too much space for a father like mine in your life. Because he will elbow his way in and stretch the corners wide, and when he leaves all you have is the oversized empty - the gap in your heart where a parent should be.”
This poignant quote touches on the psychological dynamics of relationships.
For you, it may not be a father figure. Or it may. You might have thought of more than one person.
Regardless, there is a lesson to learn - the power of our attachments can be emotionally exhausting or profoundly empowering.
To preserve yourself, to preserve your well-being, there must be healthy emotional boundaries present at all times. At. All. Times.
“Last time I let a guidance counselor convince me I wasn’t good enough. This time around will I be the one holding myself back?”
Challenge the adjectives others attach to you.
Challenge the nouns you have been called.
Challenge the labels that were stuck to you as a child (were you loud?), as a teenager (were you uncontrollable by any chance?), and as an adult (are you hyper career-driven?).
You are not just an adjective, noun, or label.
Especially one you did not choose for yourself.
You can’t hold that anger inside.
Writing this piece worked like a balm on my teenage angst.
Repressed emotions have a deep impact on your mental health, whether you can put your finger on it or not.
Emotional regulation - encouragement of healthy expression and anger release - should be your go-to.
What did you do last time you were angry?
Lastly, an imaginary conversation?
A: You have more to offer the world than you give yourself credit for.
B: Borrow that same advice.
There is a reciprocal nature of empowerment - to give and to receive.
I received it through With the fire on high, I gave it here.
With love and a sprinkling of cinnamon dust,
Katrin