Note: A voice narration is available.
Although I am getting ahead of myself in terms of the topics that I (desperately!) want to talk to you about, I have a good reason for that.
This Saturday, I had a day by myself in nature.
“Nature” is an understatement.
“A day by myself” undervalues the experience I felt. The experience that I truly embodied.
Before I dive in, let me introduce you to - Nature!
As I was sitting, the byproduct of this being a wet butt for half a day, I thought of the following quote:
“Everybody needs a place where they feel protected, secure, and welcome.
Everybody yearns for a place where they can relax and be fully themselves.
Ideally, the childhood home was one such place.
For those of us who felt accepted and loved by our parents, our home provided this warmth.
It was a heartwarming place—the very thing that everybody yearns for.
We internalize this feeling from childhood—that of being accepted and welcome—as a fundamental, positive attitude toward life that accompanies us through adulthood:
we feel secure in the world and in our own lives.
We’re self-confident and trusting of others.
There’s the notion of basic trust, which is like a home within ourselves, providing us with internal support and protection.
Many people, however, associate their childhood with largely negative experiences, some even traumatic. Others had an unhappy childhood, but have repressed those memories. They can barely recall what happened. Then there are those who believe their childhood was “normal” or even “happy,” only to discover, upon closer examination, that they have been deluding themselves.
And though people may attempt to repress or, as adults, downplay childhood experiences of insecurity or rejection, there are moments in everyday life that will reveal how underdeveloped their basic trust remains.
They have self-esteem issues and frequently doubt that they are welcome and that their coworkers, romantic partner, boss, or new friend truly like them.
They don’t really like themselves all that much, they have a range of insecurities, and they often struggle in relationships.
Unable to develop basic trust, they therefore lack a sense of internal support.
Instead, they hope that others will provide them with these feelings of security, protection, stability, and home.
They search for a home with their partner, their colleagues, in their softball league, or online, only to be disappointed: other people can provide this feeling of home sporadically at best.
Those who lack a home on the inside will never find one on the outside.
They can’t tell that they’re caught in a trap.”
The Child In You, Stephanie Stahl
I thought of it because I felt at home.
No, not in the warm-bed, roof-over-your-head and food-on-the-table kind of home.
In the nurturing, self-reflective, self-compassionate kind of home.
In the home within.
Did you know that there is a sun child inside of you?
In psychology, there are countless discussions on the concept of the Inner Child - a metaphor that touches upon a version of ourselves that is frozen in time, in memories, in needs, in beliefs, in emotions, but also in playfulness, creativity, spontaneity, and purity.
In therapy, there is a focus on the Shadow Child, the parts of you that hold onto what hurt you in past - whether this pain currently manifests as insecurities, emotional discomfort, or mental health struggles.
As someone who struggles with self-criticism, I have to say that photographs have always been my go-to, my constant reminder that I am talking to a hurt child who happened to have grown up into a perfectionist adult.
But I did not come here to talk about this.
I came to tell you that there is a sun child inside all of us - you have a sun child, I have a sun child, our neighbour has a sun child.
Your Sun Child is the part of you that still holds on to your potential and your joy that you do not have to earn, you just have to ‘be’.
It is your inner strength, your inner happiness and self-satisfaction - raw and accessible, right there inside of you.
Your Sun Child holds your power to self-heal.
Did you know that once you thought you were enough just the way you are?
Your Sun Child has no self-limiting beliefs.
Your Sun Child does not know (nor believe!) those “I am not good enough” whispers that stem from the external world.
Your Sun Child can carry you back to choosing healthy connections with yourself and with others.
Can you imagine holding your younger self and offering the words he/she needs?
This is the only effective way to generate self-compassion.
Don’t blame the shadow child inside of you, it was not his/her fault.
Instead, offer the words of comfort, love and understanding that are needed.
Your ID may consider you an adult, but there is a child that lies within.
Your Sun Child knows what self-acceptance is, it is just waiting for you to re-access it.
When was the last time you talked to your younger self?
My Sun Child and I sat at the mountaintop and observed the world within.
We had a conversation, an inner dialogue if you wish.
We ditched the negative self-talk and embraced the compassion that our inner environment craved.
We reconnected in ways we had not thought possible - we chatted about passions, talents and dreams I had forgotten about, we peeled back the layers of the shadow child and the rays of the sun child re-appeared.
When was the last time you focused on re-parenting the child inside of you?
It is a good time to re-read the quote in the beginning.
Some wounds cannot meet the eye, and they need to be tended to.
You set boundaries, communicate openly and work on avoiding the repetition of unhealthy patterns you have learnt in childhood.
By being your own parent figure in this process, you heal these invisible wounds and attract and nurture the relationships that fulfil you.
You learn to overcome your patterns of self-sabotage - whether that means impulsive or overthought decisions, procrastination or the no-rest mindset.
You recognize these patterns as copying mechanisms for your shadow child’s fear and you break free from them. Compassionately.
When was the last time you accepted that setbacks are part of the process?
Keyword: Accepted.
Whether it is self-love, self-acceptance, boundaries, or any other aspect of your healing journey, there are setbacks.
One option is that you give up - I mean it is not the fun type of rollercoaster that is for sure!
Another is to embrace setbacks as part of the process and celebrate small wins as steps towards the growth of your self, and your Sun Child.
When was the last time you forgave yourself?
To borrow Maya Angelou’s words, forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learnt it.
Before we part ways for today, the concepts of the Sun and Shadow Child, of all these ideas you just read through are widely discussed in The Child In You, written by the psychotherapist Stefanie Stahl, whose words are the warm embrace your Inner Child needs to heal now.
Forever grateful,
My Sun Child who I met in the Austrian mountains
The 7 Things You Carry Inside Of You But Don't Even Know About