The Emotional Tool Kit: Body & Mind Consciousness and the "little brain" in our chest
The tools you need to get a PhD in Yourself.
As long as we relate to all the ‘emotional luggage’ memes, we might as well prepare an emotional first aid kit.
In Age≠Maturity: 7 Psychological Concepts That Prove It, I touched upon the fact that building a first-aid kit means to:
bring awareness of your automatic reactions and underlying triggers,
pack a way that allows you to process your thoughts and emotions,
take a recorder of sorts - a notebook or a voice recorder perhaps - to give you clarity of the manifestations of these patterns,
make sure to take all the open-ended questions (I did not say answers) that will help you solve this case,
wrap up all the ways to rest-and-digest because, trust me, you will need them.
Why you shouldn’t travel un(der)prepared?
The Brain
Do you take exactly the same route to work every day?
I would assume that a big chunk of us would respond with a “yes” - I know I would because my orientation skills are non-existent.
Your brain does the same - repeated behaviours build neural pathways in our brains and have, eventually, become the “normal”.
How “normal” is this normal is another discussion.
Just like taking the same route to work every day - it is automatic.
So - unless you prepare to challenge the “normal” - the pathways that no longer serve you will remain the default mode of operation.
The Body
Your brain has also normalised how you give an F.
When facing Diego from Ice Age, our ancestors had to: Fight. Or flee. Confront or leave. Take their spears, bows and arrows out or run for dear life.
Now, a sabre-toothed tiger exists no more but a 9-to-5 and “I would appreciate if you really ‘put the work in’” does.
Diego is extinct but our stressors have evolved.
From an evolutionary perspective (you + I), we have added a little bit more to the bunch, and today, the fight-or-flight response is merely the first stage of Hans Selye’s general adaptation syndrome (a.k.a. the how we handle stress manual).
Without emotional preparation, you will fight-flight-freeze-fawn-or-flop.
The Mind
So your body gives an F, your brain has these neural pathways and your mind…
Well, your mind is riddled with cognitive biases that no longer serve you as well - they offer a distorted perception of the decisions that could be made.
Without mindful consciousness (I will note mind- and body consciousness in the second part), you are on autopilot, reacting to life, to moments, a little bit like a sleep-deprived robot (the neural pathways make you function a little bit like a robot).
You miss the chances that could make all the difference - the chances to respond thoughtfully, autonomously and deliberately because you are too distracted by everything else and too stuck in your ‘old ways’.
The Past
The ‘old ways’ are the emotional graffiti in your brain.
Without awareness and preparation, you react based on these old - often outdated - responses.
Your nervous system is wired to seek out and re-create patterns that mirror your earliest experience.
The first-aid kit helps read the graffiti, scrub it off and start fresh.
The Now: Emotions
If you don’t want your family’s dirty laundry - also known as the earliest experience that doesn’t serve you - start building your emotional first-aid kit, ditch the autopilot, pack emotional tools and take control of your reactions.
Your emotions now need to be recognized and named.
They need techniques to calm them and compassionate inquiry to reframe them.
Without this preparation, you are like a car without breaks, driving wildly through the emotional landscape on autopilot.
A modern, autopilot car (must be a Tesla?) in its old ways.
THE FIRST-AID KIT:
1. Bring awareness of your automatic reactions and underlying triggers,
Wake up and smell the emotional coffee.
Awareness lets you spot those recurring patterns and triggers, showing you why you react the way you do.
Although you and I have had different experiences, the first step is the same for all of us - reconnecting with the body.
Why start with the body? For one, “physiological needs” have been coined as the beginning of the needs we have since 1943.
The psychologist Dr. Abraham Maslow jotted this (although surely less graphically):
Body consciousness is about becoming consciously aware of your physical needs, along with your daily physical sensations like your heart rate, breathing patterns and muscle tension.
When Dr. Nicole LePera coined the term, she aimed to talk about your ability to find key indicators of whether you are meeting your physical needs or not, to help you learn and interpret your body’s different cues and to wrap your mind around how your sensations play a surprising role in creating your thoughts and feelings.
Your physical sensations help create your thoughts and feelings.
Your subconsciousness uses your body’s sensations to interpret how you feel by recalling the emotional experiences that accompanied similar physical sensations in the past.
You can stay locked in these past experiences or you can choose to practice identifying and shifting the physical sensations that cause repetitive thoughts and feelings.
You can do that with BODY CONSCIOUSNESS PAUSES:
move your attention away from what you are doing, away from the overactive mind,
choose the time, set an alarm if you have to, and check in with your body a couple of times during each day,
do a head-to-toe scan: what physical sensations are present?
do you have any physical needs, can you take care of your body somehow right now?
note the experience (record on your voice notes as you do it, or jot it down).
That’s it.
2. Pack a way that allows you to process your thoughts and emotions,
Becoming in tune with your body means beginning to be in tune with your mind and emotions.
Mind Consciousness is the practice of being aware of the thoughts, feelings and reactions that you have or do on an automatic, repetitive basis.
These reflect your subconscious at work - they are instinctual, conditioned ways of being that got programmed into your brain when you were a child because you relied on them so often to feel safe, valued and loved by your parent figures.
Now that you are an adult, few of these repeated habits allow you to feel good about yourself.
The same way you check in with your body, check in with your mind.
Either:
set an alarm to remind you to do so,
or set an intention to check in during three activities of the day - a daily dose of mind consciousness with your coffee?
And cover two questions:
what am I doing right now?
what am I thinking about/what am I paying attention to? (am I really present or am I lost in thought?)
That’s it - be present, observe, acknowledge.
Your brain is physiologically (!) programmed to operate on autopilot mode in order to conserve energy. It is your duty to yourself to reprogram it to serve you, compassionately and lovingly.
3. Take a recorder of sorts - a notebook or a voice recorder perhaps - to give you clarity of the manifestations of these patterns,
Recording your emotional experience is like having a personal growth chart.
You can see your improvements and pinpoint what still needs work.
I am not a journaller (I write enough here and reflect thoroughly as I do so), as a result I am a firm supporter of voice notes.
The point is not how you get there, the point is to document your emotions so you can find solid evidence of patterns that, eventually, become a map for spotting triggers and understanding your reactions.
According to nearly every culture in the world, your heart is the centre of your spiritual and emotional realm.
Your heart is known as “the body’s little brain” and contains more than 40,000 neurons that send and receive messages to and from your nervous system.
Your heart impacts the health and safety of your body and mind because it activates your emotional reactions.
In a way, you can also do a Heart Consciousness Check-In when you ask yourself:
what do I really think, feel or want to do?
what do I think or worry would happen if I shaped my honest thoughts, perspectives or feelings? (or put the boundaries that are missing?)
how would I feel if I shared what I am really thinking and feeling?
That’s it - you can do it now, you can do it for past experiences where you wanted to express yourself but didn’t.
Oh, and for future reference, hold yourself accountable (Concept 5).
4. Make sure to take all the open-ended questions (I did not say answers) that will help you solve this case,
Open-ended questions are your ticket to exploring your thoughts and feelings.
The best part is that you don’t really need an answer.
You get countless answers and questions.
These answers and questions can trigger those lightbulb “aha” moments about your emotional responses and underlying causes.
The Body-, Mind-, and Heart- Consciousness will raise a few questions, surely, but the basics remain:
What is this emotion trying to tell me?
Helps dig into the why behind the what.
What past experience does it remind me of?
Connects the current freak out to past trauma - the real fun.
How can I respond differently?
Challenges your mind to rewire, and guides it one conscious decision at a time.
What do I need right now?
Forces you to focus on your needs for a change. (A surprisingly hard task when you have been thinking about others more often than about yourself, or when you are spiralling emotionally.)
What can I learn from this experience?
Treats your emotional messups as learning opportunities - it is a growth mindset thing of turning mistakes into lessons.
5. Wrap up all the ways to rest-and-digest because, trust me, you will need them.
Simply put, the only list you need to carry in your back pocket (in your phone, or on a piece of paper - the usual) is:
activities that you already know as calming for your mind and body,
relaxation practices that help you with the build-up stress,
bodily activities that just allow you to destress from a hard day,
rest-and-digest breaks that help you recharge and keep burnout at bay,
activities that lift your mood and make you happier,
adequate sleep - the ultimate rest button to be honest
Body Consciousness, Mind Consciousness and Heart Consciousness questions- in this order, daily.
From my body’s little brain to yours,
Katrin