(4) The Battle Within, The Power Within: Triggers + Glimmers 101
Why triggers aren't all that bad? Why glimmers aren't all that good? Answers, resources and unfiltered facts.
In Why You Should Give an F about the 5 Fs of Trauma, the spotlight landed on the trauma responses, detailing the during and the after of stressful situations.
But what happens in your brain right before you give an F?
And how can you infuse a little more happiness into your day?
For now, breathe in, breathe out and let’s jump headfirst.
Literally.
Trauma is not what happens to you,
it is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.
Gabor Mate
Welcome to TRIGGERS, the emotional landmines in your minds that cannot wait to be unearthed. They will always tell you when a threat is near - threats brought out to you by your past trauma, your unmet Selves and the moments that you have shoved in a corner of your mind.
Welcome to GLIMMERS, the micro-moments that make you happier, more hopeful, and safer. Titled by the social worker Deb Dana in her close work with the neuroscientist Steven Porges, glimmers were born in the book The Polyagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation.
Triggers = your internal alarm system, glimmers = safety zone, got it. That was it?
You wish.
When was the last time you were triggered?
is a question that prompts reflection on a time or a place where the 5 Fs were activated, where you felt strongly in response to a particular situation.
Whatever happened, the “pull the trigger” moment stemmed from past trauma, past unresolved issues or just a ‘reminder’ of being in a similar situation before.
One of the first sentences I heard when I began healing was:
Emotions are messengers that the body sends.
Emotional triggers are messengers that the body sends.
Triggers are our secret guides to our own private histories - they tell us about things that we were once afraid of.
The triggering element is like a piece of a jigsaw that will precisely fit into an analogous puzzle in the past.
We are triggered now by what we were devastated by then.
Even if we don’t remember too much about our past, we can surmise everything we need to know from reverse engineering our triggers.
Do the work:
Think back to the last time you were triggered. Perhaps it was a seemingly innocuous comment that sent your heart racing or a sudden wave of anxiety that left you feeling paralyzed. Go back to it.
Now tell me (or write to me if you are a journaler), what can you *compassionately* examine about the situation? What set it off?
Look backwards - What can you link this ‘setting off’ to? Who can you link this ‘setting off’ to? Why has it become a trigger - Was it repetitive? Is it unaddressed? Were you unable to respond to this exact stressful situation in the past (so you felt powerless)?
I am out with lanterns
looking for myself.
Emily Dickinson
Breathe in. Breathe out.
On the flip side, when was the last time you had a glimmerous day?
is a question that prompts reflection on a day when you felt - when you embodied - joy, hope and inspiration.
A day of positivity, gratitude and upliftment.
Not necessarily a day-in-that-exotic-destination-I-wanted-to-visit, but a day sparked by simple pleasures, meaningful interactions and moments of brightness in the world around you, hence the term ‘glimmers’.
You are probably thinking, “Okay, triggers are no good, glimmers are the real deal!”.
Um, at first sight - sure.
At second - more compassionate, more aware - sight, we know better than to judge a term by its definition.
If you are in a constantly ‘triggered’ state, you spiral into extreme anxiety, anger, and overwhelm to the point that you feel constantly on the edge. On a physical level, you can be dealing with headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, fatigue, and unhealthy appetite/sleep patterns.
Ironically, if you decide to put on the pink sunglasses of ‘Only Focusing On Glimmers’, you end up in the same place: welcome chronic unease, tension and nervousness (a.k.a. anxiety disorder).
Over time, you will have to welcome a weakened immune system, increased risk of cardiovascular problems (personal experience here!) and, of course, welcome self-deception, denial and dissociation.
The unaddressed stress has to exit somehow, no?
This is toxic positivity.
Ignoring the triggers does not make them disappear: instead, they multiply like mushrooms.
Focusing solely on the triggers does not mean that you are healing, it means that you *choose* to hurt yourself even more.
It is neither here, nor there:
you need your triggers, you need your glimmers.
We may not be responsible for the world that created our minds,
but we can take responsibility for the mind with which we create our world.
Gabor Mate
Every day, we go through tons of emotions: satisfaction and frustration, ease and unease, happiness and disappointment. Most of these happen due to specific events.
Triggers are anything that fires you up, anything that fires up an intense reaction, regardless of the mood you were in prior to the trigger.
The manifestations of these triggers could be based on:
Internal dynamics: namely, your feelings from past experience - whether you have ‘discarded’ a painful memory or not does not secure a lack of manifestation.
External dynamics: namely, senses - a subtle (or not) gesture, a raised volume, familiar and painful sights, uncomfortable discussions.
Trauma dynamics: namely, the strong feelings your trauma has planted in you.
Symptom dynamics: namely, a physical change that triggers your mental health.
Do you know that moment when someone says or does something and you take a deep breath, “bracing yourself” for the upcoming discussion?
Have you recently been disappointed by someone’s reaction (or lack thereof) to something you did?
When was the last time someone’s comment made you feel attacked?
When was the last time your comment was not responded to and you felt unheard and dismissed?
Do you feel annoyed when you are interrupted - is it because you have a history of being unheard or is it just common courtesy (a.k.a. your belief system)?
Do you get a little sweaty within or in front of a crowd?
Well, those are triggers but enough about them for now.
Who is the one with the mechanism to deliver the ammunition, who’s the one with the ammunition inside them?
And where do you want to put your attention?
You want to put your attention on the trigger purely?
Or you’re curious about what ammunition, what explosive material you are carrying inside?
While triggers go to your nervous system responsible for the 5 Fs, glimmers go to another branch of it and make you more rested, relaxed and re-connected.
While triggers are planted within you, glimmers are the cues you need to find to tell the body “Hey, you are safe, you can rest now”.
Do the work: Ask yourself, dive deeper into, what makes you feel happy, warm and all fuzzy on the inside?
What makes you safe?
I am not going to make you journal if you don’t want to but don’t you carry your phone everywhere? We do have ‘notes’ applications that allow us to make a Happy List: oh, the sunset made me so relaxed today, I will add it to the notes on the phone - it is a situation where I am peaceful and at ease.
Start today. What have you seen or experienced today that made you feel safe and fuzzy?
Start today. Practice Inner Sensing: feel the sensations in your body.
Start today. Plan an “unplugged” moment every day - a short, if necessary, moment where you tune in with yourself, away from distractions.
Before you get stuck, I want to remind you that glimmers do not have to be grand moments, quite the opposite. They are micro-moments such looking at photographs of your beloved, actually taking (!) your lunch break as a relaxing experience instead of being in front of your laptop, listening to birds singing in the forest nearby, the peace a specific object brings you (hail for my books!), observing the sunrise or sunset in a state of stillness.
There will be unfamiliar glimmers that you randomly spot - those moments you say to yourself, “Oh, wow! This is too beautiful I need to pause”.
How do you feel when your emotions are acknowledged and validated, and a kind gaze and a smile are thrown in your direction?
The simplest glimmers lie within - sensing your breathing and conscious movement.
It is Conscious Positivity.
“Glimmers do not negate any of the trauma or challenges that we have in our lives.
Glimmers don’t erase triggers,
but we also have to notice the glimmers to come into a place of not just surviving or resolving the triggers,
but really fully thriving and embracing the fact that there are these good moments, as well”, writes Dana.
Your nervous system prioritizes triggers in order to survive,
but to go beyond survival mode
(isn’t that what we are here for?),
you need to *consciously* prioritize glimmers, as well.
Starting today, you are a glimmer hunter.
The essence of trauma is disconnection.
So the real question is: how did we get separated
and how do we connect?
From your fellow glimmer hunter,
Katrin